So it seems that I need to be in permanent war. And I myself am the battle field.
The new war is against cigarettes.
The goal: not to stop, really. It is possible that, in time, I may want to stop. But not now. Like Augustine, I pray:
"God, make a saint of me, but not now."
The goal is simply to reduce the amount of cigarettes I smoke to a civilized, aggreable, not compulsive rate. I cannot say in good faith "to a safe amount", since I know there is not a safe amount of nicotine to have.
There is a hedonist in me, I like the hedonist in me and I am not prepared to relinquish such a pleasure as smoking is. I want all the endorphine I can get.
I am able to think of reducing cigarettes now justly because I
found another source of pleasure/endorphine in physical exercise.
I'll be writing here a very monotonous and uninteresting log. The log of the battle. A very commonplace one.
I begin my log today, may 24 2004, having already reduced the amount of cigarettes I smoke from 1 pack a half, 30 cigarettes, to one pack, 20 cigarettes.
In fact, in the days before yesterday I was able to smoke even less. 18 on Saturday.
By now, 15:27', I've smoked six cigarettes -- the amount I normally used to consume by 11:00.
In the next opportunity I'll be registering my strategy and tactics.
